I’ve drunk deep of the Life is FOR Us Kool-Aid and am fully on board with the perspective that everything that happens is to support and aid us.

But, depending on which filter we’re perceiving life through, it doesn’t always appear that way. But that’s on us to change how we look at things, not what we’re looking at.

Take, for example, my two sweet friends who have been staying with me for awhile now as they’re looking for a place to live. They’re incredibly diligent in their search but, so far, keep getting turned down. Their feeling, because they understandably want their next place to appear, is that this is frustrating and disappointing. My view, because I’ve been in their shoes several times, is that the right place already exists for them and WILL come… it’s just not available yet.

We all (myself fully included) do this: we want things and we knowingly or unknowingly create expectations based on what we want and when and how we want it. But guess what? The great mystery has it’s own way and timing.

So, what if it IS all happening perfectly? What if the person who dumped you is creating an opening for unknown blessings, empowered discernment, and something so much better to come. The weight you gained is giving you an opportunity to re-stoke your fire through doing some new physical activity that’s more fun than what you’d been up to before bringing increased joy to your life. The boss who keeps harshing you out is there to inspire you to follow through the business idea you’ve been putting off.

You get the picture.

Lemons… Lemonade.

So let’s say that you’d rather not feel so stressed, tense, and/or anxious about the circumstances of your life. What are you going to do?

The model most of us were shown was to live like fear-based control-freaks doing our best to manipulate for what we want while hoping others still perceive us as easy-going enough to be likable.

Yeah, that’s worked out real well.

In the life’s conspiring FOR you school of thought, you could try rolling more like this…

When you get present to the various things in your life that you experience stress about, what if you stopped for a moment and noticed what expectations you’ve been holding that are creating your experience of stress? It’s can be hard to acknowledge, but the stress you’re experiencing comes from you and the beliefs, assumptions, and stories you’re choosing to live inside of, not from life. So what if you then made a bold move and let your expectations go?

The only way we’re each going to be truly happy, in that deep contented soul swooning kind of way, is when we stop pushing and manipulating and meet life on life’s terms. Life’s the leader and we’re the followers. Anyone who’s done partner dancing knows this dynamic is really satisfying – but it’s definitely not graceful or fun when both people try to lead. Someone’s got to give, and when it comes to receiving the magnificent beneficence of life, it’s our turn to soften.

Life is so much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. Every moment we can step back or IN. It takes courage, but really – which life do you want to live?

I doubt this is coming as new news to any of you. Like, did you even need to read beyond the title to get the point? Probably not.

But here’s the thing – we are largely blind to how many walls we have operating inside us because we’re used to them… until a moment or person comes along where we realize we feel disconnected and we don’t know how to bridge the divide.

Yesterday afternoon I taught two classes back to back and THE theme that unexpectedly showed up in both classes was around authentic expression.

We’re all taught, one way or another, that quite possibly the worst thing we could ever be is needy. Cheri Huber talks about this a lot in her work and when you look inside you might find that you have some pretty entrenched and slippery fears about being “that needy horrible thing”. Eek!

So we hide. We bottle up. And then, we go some shade of numb.

In one of the classes yesterday, Ascend, most people were participating via Skype so it’s sort of like an interactive Brady Bunch meditation class, with everyone sitting in their respective homes, cozy with tea in hand and cats on laps. The class started and we had our usual check in and then… it just felt all wrong. What was going on? I asked them. One person felt numb. One person said she felt disconnected. Everyone agreed. The group started discussing what they could do to create a feeling of connection. Chanting? Mantras? Nope, that didn’t feel right. Then someone blurted out what was bothering her, something she was feeling really scared about. Tears came. Suddenly we all felt A LOT more connected.

Funny how that is when we put our cards on the table – we invite an energy that had been dammed up to start flowing and everyone, both the speaker and those listening, can feel it… and feel the engagement of experiencing what’s real.

Oh, the crackling aliveness of vulnerable authenticity! So scary, it seems, and yet so deliciously freeing and energizing.

There’s a lot more I could say but I want to leave you with this (because it’s really a matter of living it instead of talking about it)…

Take a risk, today, this week, SOON, and say to yourself or someone else the thing you haven’t been wanting to say. It’s always there. Even right now, when you pause for 2 seconds, you can feel it lurking inside you wanting to come out. So let it out. Just say it. Get the flow going inside you, through you, and out into life.

I’ll bet you’ll start feeling a lot better.

Heard any of these?

I can’t handle it if s/he leaves me. I earn __ amount of money which sucks because it’s not enough to live on, but I can’t earn any more. I can’t do __ – I’m too old/short/heavy/etc. I can’t go up to her, I don’t have a chance! I want to sing/dance/paint/etc., but I can’t and since I’m not an artist, I can’t try. I can’t change careers now, I’m in too deep with what I have going on… even though it’s not satisfying or not paying me well. I don’t like where I live or don’t like the relationship I’m in but I just can’t move on. I just can’t (adjoined with frozen deer in headlights look). I don’t know how. It’s. too. much.

OMG, even just READING this paragraph I feel like a doomed wooly mammoth being sucked DOWN into into the La Brea tar pits. It’s soooo dense and heavy.

But sadly, crazily, BIZARRELY, I hear people say this sort of thing ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it’s this direct and sometimes their ego tries to hide what it’s up to by saying it a bit more indirectly or being “reasonable”. But at the end of the day it’s the same thing: The Poison of I Can’t.

This poison has been dripped into humanity for ages and it runs in each of our psychological blood streams. It has soaked itself into the fabric of who we each think we are and has woven itself into how we view what possibilities are available in life. It works on each of us to close the door on our light, to shackle who we know ourselves to be and keep us feeling small… and miserably helpless.

But it’s a lie. The BIGGEST LIE. The most wildly ridiculous and fantastic tall-tale that’s ever been spun.

I mean, really – just look around at the people in your life. When you really LOOK and see who they truly are, don’t you just revel in how extraordinarily fabulous they are? Aren’t you dazzled by how uniquely talented, gloriously intelligent, insatiably lovable, and profoundly capable they each are in their own eccentric and wild way?

I AM. I look at the people in my life and am blown away by each of them… and they’re each so different, but each such precious gems of power, beauty, creativity, wisdom, and love. I am inspired beyond belief by each of them. Their mere presence ignites me to expand who I think myself to be and approach life with more boldness and heart.

And guess what? This ISN’T a “guess which one is not like the other” situation. You’re that too. You are every bit as talented, powerful, and delicious as the people in your life. Whatever crappy actions and story that may’ve been dumped on you up to this point is no more powerful than dust on your mirror. It’s nothing. Not worth a second thought. Sure, it happened. But it doesn’t define who you are for the rest of your life. Geez! So, wipe if off, see who you are, and move forward!!!

Do you know about John of God? His story is fascinating so, if not, read about him here. But, to say it shortly: he’s a healer in Brazil people travel to from all over the world. Although it’s not always the case, he’s known for miraculous healings where people who have been afflicted with life-long or terminal ailments experience spontaneous and complete healing. Far out, right? Well, one of the rooms of his building is filled with crutches and wheelchairs people no longer need… because they leave there just fine and able to walk on their own.

I Can’t is like that. It’s a crutch ego’s been using on you forever to convince you something’s wrong with you when there isn’t. So if this is a message who’s time has come in your life, then puh-lease take it in.In.IN. to the very core of who you are and toss your old I Can’t story in the dumpster where it belongs!

And whatever you’ve been dreaming of or considering, do it. Even if it’s not something you do forever, do it as an act of showing yourself you can. Because, you CAN. Now’s the time, baby, to be and live you – loud and proud:)

This weekend I was speaking with a woman who had come to the realization that she has lived the vast majority of her life living in fear, preparing for the next imagined disaster, and feeling paralyzed to take action in her life. I think this is true for a lot of us. I mean, how many of your hopes and dreams are still sitting on the shelf? Anyhow, she’s been waking up to the fear spell and sees it’s a huge lie designed to restrict her expression and aliveness. She’s OVER IT but being sick of it isn’t enough to change it and she felt stuck on what else she could do to move things forward and posed the question almost everyone poses at this fork in the road….

If I’m not focusing on what’s wrong and getting caught up in the drama and stress of that, what else would I be doing?

Considering how much time we all spend consciously and unconsciously focusing on what’s wrong, you’d think this was one of life’s great mysteries… but it’s not.

It’s could be as simple as this -

Focus on creating beauty.

Take your attention so far off of “what’s wrong” that you choose to show up as a blessing in whatever small or grand way you are moved to. Let each moment be a prayerful offering of your creative energy to the space around you, to the muse that inspires you, to who you’re becoming, to those in your life, to the collective.

I often say the best cure for depression is to be creative. 20 minutes into virtually any creative activity and whatever bad mood or feeling of stuckness I had been feeling begins to shift. It never ceases to amaze me and every time I re-remember this “magic” trick I can’t believe I ever let a day go by without showing up for my creative practices.

And as amazing as it is, creating beauty takes this magic a step further.

In the face of beauty serious alchemy happens. Contractions expand, hardness softens, individuation connects. The world isn’t filled with pictures and calendars of sunsets, ocean views, and mountain ranges by coincidence! We all crave the elevating power of beauty. We want to experience the unmistakable way it opens our heart and brings us into graceful harmony with earth and spirit but we forget that we can be the creators of beauty, not just its recipients.

Life is such a precious gift. And you are so amazing! So puh-lease don’t waste one more of your glorious moments fretting about what’s wrong, holding yourself back with doubt, or feeling insecure. The irrational fear of survival that’s cloaked in a wet wool blanket of what’s wrong that we’ve all been conditioned to live by is ready to be released.

And we are the ones who are here to do it through how we each choose (and it is a choice) to show up in our every day life. Fear and preoccupation with what’s wrong won’t go running just because you’re sick of it and dream of feeling free. It requires us to see it for what it is and choose a new, generous, creative, and beauty-filled way of living. Here, now, in this moment.

We all know we’re in a time of massive change. What’s happening with Occupy Wall Street is amazing. People have HAD IT. And for good reason. This is a great example of a large scale gesture of people harnessing their creative energy to express their desire for collective balance.

But every gesture counts – every smile, every flower put in a vase, every choice of generosity and warmth, every artful touch. They all turn the tide towards elevation in their own way. Just think of how empty it feels when you go into a home you had loved after you packed all your things up. The beauty is gone, the space is only a shell of what it had been. Every moment has that quality… it is as alive as the beauty you bring to it.

So drop any story of what’s wrong that tries to falsely park itself in your attention and weigh you down. If something needs attention in your life, do what you need to do, but please don’t get all concerned, tight, or heavy about it. It’s sometimes easier said than done but truly – you have the power to break up dense fear energies and transmute them to something much lighter and freer when you remember what a rare blessing you are and create beauty in your life.

Start now. It could be as easy as smiling.